Cotton and Snow (WORKING TITLE, TAKING IDEAS)
by IcyBottoms
Summary: Lauris, Elsa's young son, was never a normal prince, nor happy with who he was. His mother, a wise queen and powerful sorceress, cast a deep shadow over him. Ever since he was young, he would live out his fantasies in secret, using his cousin Vivienne, Anna and Kristoff's daughter, as inspiration and her goods as material. But his secret won't last forever. (Transfic).


The door creaked, and Lauris' muscles ached from how tense he became. He stayed there, frozen in place, for several seconds before exhaling air that was poison in his lungs. _I've done this plenty of times, relax._ He pushed the door the rest of the way open, quickly and forcefully, cringing all the while, letting one long scream squeak out of the rusted hinges.

He hopped inside, never placing a heel on the wooden floor, and gently shut the monolithic door behind him. It didn't squeal as it shut, as the boy knew quite well, and with a relieved breath he fell onto the wall just inside. The room was more familiar to him than he'd dare let anyone know, his cousin's room, and he felt a cruel combination of homely comfort and bone jilting anxiety at the thought of being caught. In the six years he'd been doing this not once had he been discovered, but there had been a few close calls. To prevent such risks from becoming repeated slip-ups, he went over a checklist in his head. _Vivi and aunt Anna are out for the day, they said they won't be back until well past dusk._ Lauris made a checking motion with his slender fingers. _Mom is still gone on business, won't be back until Thursday._ He made another tick in the imaginary list. _Gerda and most of the maids are preparing the dining room, Kai has the day off, none of the other staff are permitted to come here._ With one last flourish, he shooed away the worries from his mind.

_Wait, Uncle Kristoff._ A loose end. He hated loose ends. Still, he was not going to let this otherwise perfect storm of opportunity be squandered. _I mean, why would he come here?_ In all the times Lauris had broken in, not once had he ever seen so much as a scrap of evidence that Vivienne's father even came into her room. He sighed, deciding that if he was to get caught, he'd get caught. He didn't believe he would.

Pushing himself off the wall he was leaning on, he tip-toed over to the nearest of a handful of wooden boxes stood tall with lavishly etched drawers and doors, the wardrobes and dressers that practically littered the young princess' room. Vivienne often complained that her mom loved buying clothes for her a little too much. _Thank you Auntie Anna._

He briefly and grimly reflected on years past, when he was doing this for the first few times. He had grown up in more ways than one since then. He didn't fumble with the top drawer, sticking a quivering hand into the fluff of clothing, before yanking it back out of self-doubting horror anymore. He brushed his hand down the surface, counting the notches so that he knew should he ever be struck blind he could keep doing this. Grabbing the gem-cut handle of the third drawer from the top, he pulled it open.

He made a careful note of just how it looked, from what garments were on top to just how they folded into each other. He'd spend nearly as long putting the clothes back into the drawer precisely as he found them as he would the rest of his time. Reminded of his limits, he glanced at the ticking clock that hung on the far wall. _One o'clock. Plenty of time._

The process had become very familiar by now, despite how sporadically he did it. He'd find some dress, be it a new one he'd never seen before or an old flame, and lay it out on Vivi's canopy bed while rummaging for any associated accessories. Normally he'd choose the dusty and unused, less likely to be discovered that way, even if it meant picking out the less stunning outfit.

But nearly all of it was stellar in his eyes, since after all, he had none of this. As this thought flashed across his mind, he winced and clenched his hands in place. _Why am I doing this? What the HELL am I doing?_ He shook his head, successfully throwing the passing touch with reality off with it, and returned to shopping for his first item, now in the hanging bureau.

He was about to choose a dusty, pastel gown that had clearly not been touched in quite some time, but suddenly, his fingers twitched. His eyes were somewhere else. Fussing with the very back of the pecking order of Vivienne's clothes somehow didn't hold the same appeal that it used to, and Lauris found his icy blue eyes drawn to something greedier.

In the very front, probably laid out to be worn within the next few days, was an emerald gown headed with a nearly black bodice, embroidered with a simply elegant rosemaling pattern on the breast, with off-the-shoulder band-sleeves dangling lace. The bell of the dress was striped from top to bottom with bands of pale green and violet designs and was tastefully wide while still being attractively proportionate.

_Don't be greedy._

His hand trembled at the thought of what he was planning to do in his mind, in spite of his sense. He knew enough of his cousin's clothing storage habits that it would be a freshly prepped gown, planning on being worn within the next few days by the young princess herself. Taking it would carry far too many risks: even if he did manage to return it spotlessly, the evidence of his theft would be too apparent for his liking.

He sighed, his voice peaking with frustration in what more accurately could be described as a squeak.

"Don't do it. You idiot, don't you dare."

His whispers to himself had reigned in his fancy on more than one occasion.

"You'll get found out."

One word fearfully rung through his ears, and it was a word he couldn't bear to think about.

With a flash, he clutched the fabric and carefully pulled it off of it's fastening. It practically floated through the air as he pulled it over to the bed and set to figuring out just what to wear alongside it. _Stockings. Obviously._ He gazed longingly towards the sizable oaken box that laid atop a smaller dresser. He knew exactly what was in it, and could probably catalogue each item of jewelry within, unless there were any recent additions. He never wanted to touch the box, knowing it was by far the most collectively expensive thing in the room, and his paranoia intensified around so much value and personal treasure. But beyond this, there was a personal barrier, as if taking those final few flimsy accessories would be admitting to himself something he didn't want to. But he knew that no matter what his reservations that he wanted into that box.

_In for one, in for it all._

The golden hinges shone as they opened, the Arendelle crest that was gilded on the top of it had its softer counterpart in green and purple velvet on the roof inside. The lid opening unlocked the three shallow drawers on the front face, as well as the compartmented tray op top of them. Using only the edges of a thumb and index finger, Lauris pulled open the middle drawer, knowing exactly what he was after.

In the midst of all these daring breaches of self-imposed limits, he was forgetting his shame, for just a while, in his life. However shame has value, in its ability to keep the most absent-minded men and women vigilant.

Within the drawer was the necklace that so perfectly suited the rest of the outfit, a ribbon-laced medallionette adorned with an amethyst set in gold, as big as a cherry, which fit snugly against the neck.

Sighing, the edges of his mouth inching upwards just a smidgen, he looked at what he had laid out, and got to work. He pulled his tunic over her head, revealing his lean torso, followed by his pants. Lauris was a very slim boy, even at sixteen, and the crucial vice in which he was partaking was a large reason for that. His mother and late father had often remarked on his light weight, but even as Elsa started to worry, his father assured her it was alright. Lauris was always grateful for his father's lenient attitude, even if he would have never supported what he was doing now.

Stripping down fully, he didn't want to stay in the nude for long, as there were far too many mirrors that he'd have to avoid looking in, so he quickly began donning his spoils. His feet, already bare from when he came in prancing on his toes, slipped into the jade stockings and he pulled them to fit. There was an obvious… discomfort in between his legs as he pulled them on, but it was far from new and he dealt with it deftly enough. It was never much of a _large_ problem, anyway. Piece by piece, with a steely aloofness to all that wasn't fabric in his hand, he came together. He was alone, with no help or friend to help seal the back, but through practiced contortions he was able to shunt it into a wearable state, as long as no one could see him from behind. _It's not like anyone will be seeing me anyway. This is for me. _He could loosely tie the laces on the inner bodice, and that was enough for him.

Vivi was about the same size as her cousin, if curvier in the right places and somewhat shorter, and Lauris was grateful for that. _Maybe that's one of the 'similarities' Auntie was talking about._ The dress fit his body in width, even if there was an uncomfortable gap between his chest and the firm-set bosom of the gown. He was used to such vacuums. He hated it, the feeling of being incomplete, but he was used to it nevertheless. He picked up the necklace and walked over, still not fit well, to the vanity next to the wide window. As he approached, he was caught by the windowpane, vibrant afternoon rays streaming through the just barely heat-warped glass between diamond shaped iron fittings, and gazed out. The gardens below were visible from the lofty view, and out beyond the rocking fjord was the town of Arendelle, bustling as it should be on these days. Lauris was stunned by the beauty of the afternoon's tranquility, _Why do I never look out more often?_ He looked down at his dress.

_ Oh right._

He lashed out for the curtains and pulled them shut, dampening the light of the room significantly. For some reason, perhaps in the boldness that bordered on drunken foolishness he was experiencing, he had completely forgot to shut the curtains that he always did.

_I'm slipping up._ Self-awareness crashed into the youth, breathing deeply and heavily, his chest momentarily filled the dress before he exhaled rapidly. Were it not for a gaze caught, he would have continued hyperventilating in his confused shame, but his eyes locked onto the eyes looking back at him. There was a girl, pretty, if plain, staring at him in a beautiful dress. He walked towards the mirror, reaching out to touch the glass as if it were a portal. Recoiling in lonely embarrassment, he sighed and looked into the mirror which showed a better world. The dress, donned quickly and nervously and hardly form-fitting, was drooping, but it was no less stylish or stately. His pale blond hair was long for a boy's, and it hung about his head loose and uncropped though still quite male, yet in the context he had constructed so painstakingly, even if he was still so far from presentable, it was almost feminine, crowning the desperate display of beauty.

He forgot about the careful arrangement that he had so diligently memorized so that the evidence would be nonexistent. He forgot his careful scheduling to ensure no one would be within a hundred feet of the door while he was there. He forgot about the pragmatism, the calculations he had performed in his head, and let himself feel.

He stared at the image in front of him like he had so many times, and stepped closer to the suspended mirror for the finishing touch. Clutching the jewel in his hand, he ran it behind his neck, and with naught but a twitch connected the old-fashioned choker to his neck. Lauris looked into the mirror, stared at what he'd risked so much that day, and nearly as much so many days before, and did something he hadn't done for a long time.

Lauris smiled at her reflection, and twirled the dress around in a juvenile demonstration of pure, unadulterated happiness in something one does, despite one's better judgement, because it's right.

* * *

The morning was shaping up to be a warm one, but Lauris could have been in the dead of winter for all the enthusiasm he showed at the breakfast table. He prodded his food with a silver fork, unable to eat more than a morsel, out of an assumed mixture of apathy and distaste for eating at all. _Who even eats this stuff…_

"You alright Lauris?" his Aunt Anna inquired, mouth full of some meat or another. She had until just then been idly chatting with her daughter about some topic that he couldn't manage to pay attention to.

"Hmm? Oh, yeah" he sighed, not even convincing himself. It had been over a week since his mother had left, and while he wasn't unused to going without seeing Queen Elsa for days, even weeks at a time, it never made it any easier for him. Vivienne, a brunette, bubbly girl sitting just a seat away from him made the loneliness easier, but there was still a gap between them that made some of their interactions awkward to bear. _Possibly magnified by the fact that I steal her clothes. _Not that he'd ever dream tell her, that rambunctious little cousin of his, but his own self-consciousness had gotten the better of him before. She seemed excited about something, and finally broke.

"You want to come into town with us? Might cheer you up, we're going to-"

"That is a good idea" interrupted her mother. "I don't really know how much of it you'll really like, but I suppose…" Anna continued while rubbing the back of her neck. _She doesn't want me to go, she wants her time with Vivi._ "Well, you're always welcome!" Her smile was genuine, but Lauris would spare her, since he was suddenly very optimistic.

_They'll both be gone for the day… I might be able to do it today._

He remembered a pastel periwinkle gown that was tucked deep inside one of her wardrobes, and was eager to pull it out. There were also new ones, dresses that Vivi would be planning on wearing… he wouldn't touch those.

"No thanks, Auntie", he had a slight cheer in his voice that had, to the outside observer, appeared out of nowhere. "You two have fun."

Though still quite monotonous in delivery, the edge of buoyancy wasn't unnoticed by the observant Vivi. "What's going on, Lauris?"

He waved her off, concealing the shadow of a half-smile he might have had, feeling just slightly guilty about being so duplicitous with her. His envy of her had inspired some less than healthy attitudes towards her, but deep down he really did like his cousin.

The meal continued in what might as well have been silence. Anna kept trying to start conversations with her daughter and nephew, but the latter was as stony towards her as ever and the former seemed more interested in pretending to not steal inquisitive glances at the odd, skinny teen who shared both blood and a table with her. Eventually even Anna gave up and decided to focus on finishing her, as per usual, very large, breakfast with renewed concentration. The bits of food that sporadically flew through the air from her unladylike eating habits forced the slightly repulsed teen to scoot his chair away, lest he be caught by a ricocheting bean.

The clock struck ten and Anna put down her fork and in a sort of loud whisper urged her daughter, "Look at the time, we should be going!" She threw her utensils on the mostly empty plate in front of her and Vivi did the same, albeit to a less empty plate. Vivi gave Lauris one last curious look before running off to her chamber to change into a more suitable outfit for their day adventure. Anna seemed to keep the same momentum, but slid on the flats of her flats before leaving the room. Anna turned around with an extravagant flourish of her dress and locked eyes with the watching Lauris.

"Hey"

"Hey…", Lauris replied dubiously.

Anna walked forward and fell into a chair, chin in her hand and elbow on the table. "Y'know, I have to disagree with Kristoff, I think you look better shaved, it's more handsome."

_Handsome._

Trying to ignore his personal disdain for the word when used to describe him, he tried to figure out what his only aunt was trying to do. He nodded an implied thanks and went back to picking at his food in hopes of appeasing her without having to eat any of it. Her attempt to ease into a conversation with smalltalk hadn't worked out.

"You know I know we're not super close, and I know teenagers aren't the most... _receptive_ to their weird old aunts, but I just wanted to say I'm glad that you and Vivi get along so great. You two are really similar in a lot of ways, and I like to know that she's not alone in here like I was."

Lauris was more than a little surprised by this sudden confession, and his jaw dropped slightly. He struggled for the words, much to the discomfort of Anna apparently, but eventually blurted out, "Er, thanks, you're welcome, glad to hear it", figuring that at least one of those was the correct response.

Anna sighed, keenly aware of the boy's uneasiness. "I love your mother very much, we're the closest sisters I've ever known, and I love you very much too." She looked younger than she was, though still clearly a mature woman. Her lips formed the purest smile Lauris had ever known, as they often did, and he felt his heart melting at the goodwill radiating off of her. He bowed his head, not wanting to meet her eyes. "And if you ever need anything, you're basically my own baby, so never be afraid to talk to me."

"Thanks Auntie."

She giggled her jarringly youthful giggle and stood up. "Are you sure you don't want to come with us?"

Nodding without ever re-establishing eye contact, Lauris heard her take two quiet, shuffling steps for the door, hesitate, then continue walking until the rugs outside the room muffled her steps totally. Sighing and looking up to the empty hall, he put his utensils on the plate and hoped Gerda wouldn't mention him not eating. _It's not like I'm too skinny or anything._

He snuck back to his room and kneeled on the cushioned bench under the window. He patiently waited to see mother and daughter crossing the bridge, accompanied by a castle guardsman, into Greater Arendelle. As the small figures in violet (and one in green) disappeared from sight, he sniffed the air and jumped off the seat onto the floor, landing on his toes. He was dressed in comfortable, and more importantly, quiet clothes that barely made a swish when he walked down the hall. Vivienne's room was only two corridors away from his own, so he made the trip with ease and a quick pace, hopping on the balls of his feet with his heels high in the air, barely making a sound.

He checked all around him, like a watchful owl, for signs of movement. _There shouldn't be anyone, I know where everyone is._ This wasn't true, for he had forgotten at least one family member, but his eagerness was getting the best of him. He'd not done this in weeks, and was antsy at the thought of getting back to his shameful, but emotionally vital indulgence. Lauris tried to remember the first time he'd done it on his own. He had memories so far back they were distorted and cloudy of games with his cousin, of playing the princess with her, bur could not put a finger on when this had begun.

Abandoning the train of thought, he gripped the brass handle to his cousin's room. The door creaked, and Lauris' muscles ached from how tense he became.

* * *

The dress, verdant and light as it was, was satisfaction in cotton for Lauris, and while he knew he'd be feeling the bitter anger that so often followed these cathartic sessions, the despair that comes with coming so close to knowing something one will never have, Lauris was happy. The vanity seemed to be shaped just for that dress, and the one wearing it, framing the scene like a portrait. She twirled around again thankful for these small moments of joy in the grinding stone that had become Lauris' life of a young prince.

As she spun on the toe of her left foot, however, she met a shocked pair of eyes. Lauris stopped in the middle of his amateur pirouette and stumbled forward, extending his arms to catch himself, though he managed to stay upright. He gasped and hurt under the bewildered eyes of his cousin.

Vivienne stood in the doorway, open, a totebag fallen on the ground next to her. Her face gave nothing away but surprise and Lauris felt a burning ignite behind his eyes as his mind panicked. He was choking.

_The door, the stupid door, how did you not hear the door you worthless moron?!_

As if she could know the object of his thoughts, she pulled the door closed.


End file.
